I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize