He asked to "fluff my boner.."
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
