Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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