it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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