Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
