Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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