i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
