Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
