She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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