Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
