i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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