Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
