America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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