Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Randomize
