She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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