When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
