I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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