"it" just moved
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
