If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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