Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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