Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
