Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
