If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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