farters have to be the big spoon...
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
