so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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