So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
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