man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
