you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
