I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize