Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I'm both gender and math confused
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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