k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
