I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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