Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
