put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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