no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
