Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
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