He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
