I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
