if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
