you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
