I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
