I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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