The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
