I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
