My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
