If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
