I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
