Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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