someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
