if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
