I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
