What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
All I want is dick and wine.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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