I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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