my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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