Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
