Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
