im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
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