I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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