Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
You're like the curious george of whores
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
