I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
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