12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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