Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
