WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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