sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
