I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
