Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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