I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Randomize
