dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
