mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
